The 10 Commandments Of Men

The following are hereby considered against the spirit of being a real man – and liable, if committed, to social ostracism:

Pub Sporting Ignorance When wandering into a bar, you may always ask the score of the televised game in progress – but not who’s actually playing.

Kissing Another Male Whether friend, father, brother or dying grandfather, this is strictly forbidden – with two very specific exceptions: If you’re a Sicilian and need to let the other gentleman know that, for business reason, you have ordered his imminent death. When one of you is Pope.

Umbrella ownership Men just get wet. Live with it, or get a wide-brimmed hat. Similarly, should you be offered the use of an umbrella, under no circumstances may two men share the shelter of its canopy.

Walking Near A Complete Stranger At Exactly The Same Speed Don’t match him stride-for-stride – you’re not in the army. Overtake, or walk an appropriate distance behind.

Crying We might fell compelled to do so from time to time; but even woman will agree the sight of men crying just looks wrong. There are, however, the usual exceptions:The funeral of close friend, relative or dog.When you’ve been kicked in the nuts.

Apologising For Not Having The Correct Change You’re paying them. Aren’t you?

Saying Another Man Is “Good-looking” Except when you’re aggrandising the reputation of a friend in front of a lady. Then, “not –bad-looking” is a viable alternative- Eg. “He’s not a bad looking bloke – he must be saving himself fort the right girl.”

Spending Longer Than 22 Minutes In The Bathroom..and that includes brushing your teeth.

Driving At Anything Under The Mythically Prescribed Speed Limit Of Actual Limit + 10 percent + 5 kmh You want to get there at some point, don’t you?

Using Woman Words Certain words just scream “big girl!” – and must therefore never be uttered by Y-chromosomed individuals, other than in an ironic sense: beastly, horrid, mimsy, “down there”, yuk, super, gosh, cutelah, eek! A wasp!

Finally, if any of these are unwittingly committed, i recommend performing any of the following acts to replenish your Man Levels: Poke a fire with a stick, wrestle a dog, saw a length of wood, drive around on some grass, sharpen a pencil with a knife, drink whisky then suck your teeth, general scratching.